Insomnia

I have to admit that I had succumbed to a lazy late-to-bed and late-out-of-bed schedule over the past few weeks. The schedule allows to sleep a lot and in general do nothing - the precise reason why you start to hate it as well. It reads something like wake up at 2-3 PM, have a nice "breakfast" by 3-4 PM. Watch the TV, catch a movie, walk around, go off to the nearby coffee shop, etc. the while evening to night time. Come back around midnight and read a book or see any nice movie on the TV. In no time, its early morning - there is a slight chill and you feel tired. A perfect combination to get back to the cozy bed and sleep like you have no care in the world.

While the schedule has its charms, its incredibly unproductive. It just doesn't allow you to work - be it anything, personal or official. Every night, you wonder why you are stuck to this stupid schedule, but end up repeating the same schedule the very next day. Its addictive and very difficult to break out of. I had been consumed by this monster for quite some time but resolved to break free.

The recovery plan had been in place for quite some time, but was only put into action 2 days ago. It is quite a simple strategy - try and wake up 4 hrs earlier than the day before till your naturally start to feel sleepy at 11-12 PM. The first day of recovery I had little trouble in waking up at 11 AM, but then disaster struck. Despite my tiredness, I just couldn't fall asleep the following night. Therefore, I had to stay awake the next day after a complete night-out. But, I succumbed to the fatigue - slept for roughly 3 hrs. The night was much better - I could sleep by 12 PM and woke up at next morning 8.30 AM. I thought I had passed the acid test.

I was wrong. After going to bed at 12 midnight, I could hardly muster 2 hours sleep before waking up at 2 AM. And I am wide awake - not the remotest feeling of sleepiness. I realize it would take more than 2-3 days of forced wake-ups to rectify a mistake of few weeks, if not months. But I am determined this time around to make it happen. It seems a straight battle between my determination to halt and change the momentum gained over the past few months. I hope I succeed.

Starting Anew

Today is an important day. A simple truth, which I had denied recognition, has finally pried my closed eyes open. I can no longer ignore it. I have to accept the the truth, learn my lessons well and abide by the resulting rules.

I hope this will help me regain my old self - someone who could enjoy solitude, think clearly and act promptly. The path towards regaining myself would be hard, but it shall bear fruits in the end.

I promise not to let myself down.